How to Stop Repeating Life’s Difficult Lessons

How to Level Up in Earth School and Close the Lesson Loops

What if you chose every experience you’ve had in life up to this point? What if there was a valuable reason behind everything you’ve lived through? Take a second to imagine this. Would it change the way you see your life?

We can frame life as either happening “to me” or “for me”. The first frame puts us in victim mode, the other gives us power.

It’s helpful to look at life on Earth, as Soul School. I believe that as souls, we come here to live life as humans to gain knowledge and learn valuable lessons. And have fun, of course.

So often people make the same choices repeatedly, throughout life and get stuck in lesson loops. It’s like being on a train you never get off from, because you fell asleep.

 For so many, life is run on autopilot with the ego’s patterns taking control of every twist and turn. To stop repeating the same patterns and replaying the same lessons in your life, become aware, and then reframe your response.

Instead of, “Why is this happening to me again?” try, “What is this here to teach me?” When we respond like this, rather than blaming others, we are well on our way to closing a lesson loop.

Our soul self, (higher self) is here to learn lessons and grow, yet our egoic mind is stuck in patterned programming, which is why we so often repeat challenging situations. These patterns typically develop in childhood through our families, traumas, or experiences we couldn’t understand.

As kids, we developed patterns of behavior as necessary coping mechanisms. As adults, we can lose ourselves in these patterns.

The ego seeks to blame what happens in our lives, on something outside of us. This prevents us from being able to fully integrate life lessons. Since we are all experiencing life lessons, we needn’t take anything personally. Everyone is either acting from love and presence, or from their own ego’s patterns.

Self-awareness is everything.

When you notice a repeating pattern in your life, like dating the same types of people, or ending up in the same caretaker situation, or being taken advantage of,

PAUSE.

Instead of saying, “Why does this shit keep happening to me?”

Say, “What was my role in this experience, what can I learn from this, or how can I choose differently in the future?” This way, you’re not a victim to circumstances, you are claiming your own accountability.

This is where your power is.

After all, we have no power to change the behavior of others, only ourselves.

How to Become Aware and Close the Loop

Notice the thoughts and feelings you have about a situation you may be currently struggling with. If you feel blame toward anyone at the moment, start there.

What emotions or feelings do you sense in your body? Do the feelings you have now, parallel feelings you have experienced at other times in your life?

What are the common thoughts surrounding the experience?

For instance, if you are often jealous or insecure in relationships, maybe you fear someone leaving you. Is this similar to something you’ve experienced in your younger life?

When we have a fear of abandonment, we often point the finger at the one we are afraid will leave us. They are the ones who need to change. They must do whatever it is we need them to do, so that we feel better.

Nobody can change the way you feel inside of you, but you.

Life experiences keep repeating to give us the opportunity to choose differently, learn what we need to learn, and graduate. We can only close the loop through the power of our own self-awareness.

Without it, our ego thoughts take us out of our power by blaming others, and we blindly stay in the loop and recreate the same situation again.

What is the soul lesson in a relationship that perpetuates our fear of abandonment?

We must acknowledge our own feelings and choose to be there for ourselves. When we love ourselves enough, we don’t seek someone else to give us what we already have.

By seeking someone else to make us feel complete, we are in essence abandoning ourselves every time. And that is the real abandonment wound we must heal.

Maybe your pattern is to take on other people’s problems.

You may feel like you can’t rest, or you feel overwhelmed and resentful toward those who just can’t get it together. “Why can’t they just handle their stuff?”

Maybe they can’t handle it themselves, because someone else is always trying to handle it for them. Maybe this pattern in you began as a child who had to take on more responsibility than you should have. And it became your identity.

The soul’s lesson here may be to trust that you have your own path, and so do they. Just like you, they have life lessons that they must experience for the purposes of their own growth.

Also, it is important to live in authenticity and with integrity to your own feelings. In honoring your own feelings, you put up boundaries and say no.

Often the kids who couldn’t say no, become adults who can’t. Until they do.

All it takes is becoming aware of this pattern and choosing differently. Say yes when it feels good and right. Say no when it feels constricted, heavy, and comes with resentment.

Maybe you struggle with feeling like you are not enough.

You feel like you’re not doing enough, you don’t have enough, or you haven’t proven yourself enough, etc.

You are constantly doing and achieving and plagued with a busy and self-chastising mind. Maybe as a child you felt you needed to achieve, to be loved and accepted.

The soul lesson may be to finally realize that you are enough, just BEING.

You have nothing to prove. You are worthy, as is everyone, just for being you. Maybe it is time to stop all the doing and start being. Let yourself rest knowing that you are enough.

The measuring stick you are holding up is endless, and an illusion.

To keep repeating the same patterns in life is like constantly repeating the 7th grade. There is opportunity for us in every moment to make different choices, to learn from our experiences, and to level up.

With every level up (higher grade), comes a more profound aliveness within us, as we are more fully embodying our highest (soul) selves. Our life gets better as we become aware of and let go of these lower-level consciousness patterns.

There are so many common themes we experience in our lives. Lessons we all must integrate. I have experienced the abandonment, the taking on other people’s stuff, the “I am not-enoughness”, and more, as I have evolved on my own healing journey.

It’s never too late! I started realizing and closing my loops in my 40s! It is by no means easy to let go of the patterns you’ve held for decades, but it may be the most worthwhile thing you do for yourself.

When the time is right and you are ready to move on, you will. If you need a coach to give you a headstart, I am here and happy to help.