Receiving, Contributes to a Healthy Heart Chakra

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I was speaking with a friend today, who said how her daughter had complimented her, on what a great mom she was. I was smiling as I heard her say this, as I know how good it feels when your own kid acknowledges you like that. It’s powerful!

Before I could acknowledge her for it, she immediately said that she responded by telling her daughter, that it was all her. She didn’t seem to take in this massive compliment, in the slightest.

I offered, that she should feel very good about herself as a mom! And again, she didn’t skip a beat. She went right back to complimenting her daughter on all her accomplishments.

I felt her ability to deflect a compliment, as if she were hitting balls at a batting cage. Only the balls were gifts, and she was tossing them back at the pitcher just as soon as they were thrown…

I recognized the pattern of behavior intimately.

It was my pattern, for most of my life.

I couldn’t take a compliment without throwing it back in some way. I was so good at dismissing and diminishing anything nice anyone had to say about me, and could swiftly compliment the giver, to change the subject. (which now seems insincere, in the energy it was offered)

Like her, I hit the ball back as quickly as I got it.

Deflecting compliments isn’t a righteous act. It is a pattern of behavior that reinforces the need to hide. To not be seen by others. It is fueled by fear. There lies a wound of feeling undeserving behind it. Of wanting to hide.

I brought this up to my friend, and by the end of our conversation, she realized how deeply her pattern of deflecting compliments went. She could even trace where in her young life, it may be coming from.

Playing small kept her safe, which is exactly what it did for me. When getting noticed or having accolades created situations that you got into trouble, or you where you were teased or resented, you learned to kick away a compliment fast!

When we begin to look at ourselves and our patterns of behavior, it is important to recognize the motivations behind what we do. And to understand the ramifications of something so seemingly small, as not saying, “thank you.”

Our heart chakra denotes our right to give and receive love. This energetic exchange is crucial to our wellbeing. Mentally, physically, and spiritually.

When we are not open to receiving, we cannot give love with our fullest potential. Nor can we be open to fully letting in all the love that life has to offer us. Guarding our heart, keeps it contracted and closed.

When we toss back compliments, we are failing to give the sender the gratitude that enables their fully open heart. When someone offers a compliment that is received with gratitude, it makes the giver feel good and feel more comfortable giving to others.

We are often taught that it is more important to give than to receive.

I believe both are of equal importance.

In life, there is flow. We interact with one another in balanced, reciprocal ways. Life is give and take, and both actions fuel the heart, and allow us to love ourselves and others more.

Whether we are taught by example to deflect a compliment, or from our own childhood wounding, provoking us to “play small”, as adults, it is our job to learn new ways of being.

If you have trouble taking a compliment, notice it. Notice what happens in your body when someone appreciates you. Notice what your mind wants to do in that moment.

And then, override it. Practice simply saying, thank you.

It will feel uncomfortable at first, because it is not your habit. Let it.

Receiving a compliment is not vanity, it is allowing a gift from someone else, to land.

If you cannot do it for yourself just yet, do it for them. With time, it will get easier.

You can always offer a compliment in return but allow their compliment to fully land first.

Receive with gratitude.

Every gift offered and received, contributes to the health of your heart, and the divine love within us all.