Those Triggers You Feel, Are Opportunities to Heal.

Lesson # One From the Spiritual Awakening Journey - It’s Not Them, It’s You.

This morning something shifted in me shortly after I woke up. I had my normal morning routine of meditation, prayer/affirmations, then coffee outside. It’s a Saturday, so we are planning on heading to the farmer’s market at 9am.

I was feeling great and in a good mood. Ready for my happy Saturday, and then within hours I felt all the good vibes suddenly drop. There was a darkness that swooped in, and I could feel it in my body.

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I’m walking around the farmer’s market quiet and unenthused, compared to normal. I am melancholy, and because we are so tuned in to each other, Jon can feel it. I told him in the car that I could feel something was coming up.

He is used to this by now. Occasionally, something comes up in my body, an energy imprint from another time, that needs to be felt. And it can suddenly come out of nowhere.

When we are on the journey of awakening to our true selves and stripping away the gunk, things from our past can come up. Emotions held back long ago can suddenly make themselves known in the now. We may not know what they are or where they come from. They just feel dark.

If we are far enough on our path, and experienced in staying present, the feelings come up in our body, and the ego doesn’t get triggered. If we aren’t, then when our discomfort comes up, our ego tries to make sense of it by looking outward toward people or situations around us.

The ego wants to assign blame for the discomfort, so we can move on without dealing with the deeper issue.

Lucky for Jon, he has the healed version of me, mostly. I know and he knows that when I get quiet and melancholy, it’s not him – it’s me.

When I first figured out that it wasn’t him, it was me – I was with my ex-husband. I spent so many of our years together thinking my issues were about him and our marriage, and he was probably thinking the same thing about me. It was about 6 months into meditating every day, that the guidance came through me with crystal clarity.

It’s not him, it’s me.

 I was so grateful to learn this. I could be healing my wounds and find happiness, and it didn’t depend on him, what he did, who he was, or whether he healed or not. What a revelation!

This was my first big lesson on my spiritual awakening journey. I didn’t have to wait for anyone or anything outside of me to change, for me to make my life better.

From that point on, whenever I felt sadness, anger, or irritability, I didn’t get frustrated at him or anyone else and unknowingly push the feelings back down. I was able to let my feelings be there without judgement. I could let them surface, be fully felt and acknowledged, and then they would dissipate forever.

And since there are many layers and levels in this healing process, they still come up. 4-5 years later, and with my new partner, I still have waves of darkness that surface from time to time. Only now, it doesn’t take me weeks of depression before they release.

After the farmer’s market, I laid down, closed my eyes, and did a reiki healing and meditation. I just laid hands on myself and allowed my body time to release. I cried a little about animals I had lost in childhood, and some traumatizing moments with my family that had coincided with it. I felt anger and sadness and gave my inner child support and understanding.

And then the darkness was gone. I was uplifted once again.

So, lesson number 1 from my own experience on the spiritual awakening journey?

When you feel that discomfort, don’t look outward at them. That is just a waste of time.

It’s you. Likely a version of you from another moment in time, who is still stuck in that time. An energetic imprint, if you will.

And every time those dark feelings come up is another opportunity to free that energy from your body. For good.

So, practice self-awareness, self-love, and be in your body fully when the darkness shows up. Those triggers you feel, are opportunities to heal.